Thursday, October 25, 2012
Lately I have been asked if I would change things from my past, and although yes would be an easy answer, I look at what I have now and who I have become and I have to say no. Yes life would have been easier if I had left a few roads untraveled, and chose to never leave a few roads I redirected myself from. Every stone in every path I have walked, tells a story every stumbling block that has caused me a fall has taught me a lesson. Where I have been has created who I have become.
I feel sometimes as if it was only yesterday that I walked the halls of my old high school, the hand of my high school boyfriend linked in mine. See at one point in time I had a great relationship. One that was not only an attraction but also a friendship. We were certain that this was something that would never cease to continue... Until I, based on others opinions, thoughts and words made the decision to walk away from that path we had so wonderfully created. So when I found myself on another path of an unequally yoked, relationship with someone who lacked a sense of morals and true family value I had no one to blame but myself. It was I who had chosen that road. A road with weeds, and many sharp pointed rocks. I believed that those Xena super powers would come alive and I would somehow be able to smooth out the path. to not only make it able to travel but if I added my love, my faith, my everything and if I brought in beautiful precious children then maybe just maybe I would be able to create a beautiful journey... but I was wrong... I poured everything I was into the transformation of the path, without a result... I couldn't even make it bearable. I left all that I was everything I had on the side of that rocky road and as painful as it has been to walk barefoot upon those rocks, the further away I am from that road the smoother it has become. and though my soles are callused my heart is not. For now I realize its not the road I'm on but who is alongside me on that road. Its about how I take the lessons learned and the strength gained from my trials and apply them to my life. No I would not change where I have been because it is what has created who I am, It is how I was blessed with my children. those roads are what led some of the closest people in my life today to now be beside me. Yes it has been a series of hard paths, but they are paths that no one besides myself has chosen for me to take. They are what has created me and all I am. They are the reasons for the baggage I hold and the reasons for the blessings that make me whole.