Monday, December 31, 2012

the promise of 2013

Never have I been one to celebrate the new year, to bring it in with a glass of something sparkling and a big shebang of Happy New Year being yelled out of the mouth of multiple people packed into a room to celebrate the New Year together. In fact almost every single New Year for the most part has spent alone, there were a few times in my younger than 18 years that I would sneak a bottle of sparkling cider into my room and act as if it was something more than juice with bubbles and wait patiently by myself until the clock would change and the new year would begin in which I would say Happy New Year to myself and crawl in bed in which it caused no problems for anyone but my dad who had to drag my butt out of bed in the mornings to got to school. As I got older nothing seemed to change much, except that instead of a glass of juice with bubbles, I held in my hand a bottle of milk and a sleeping baby, or the years I sat in the dark house awake alone by myself waiting for the new year to begin. Never has New Years been a big deal to me, although I always thought it would be a great change of pace in life to spend it with a few good people, and Ive always wanted on of those new year kisses. This year some things will change and its that this year I have a goal and also that  when the clock turns to midnight....I will be asleep, well I hope I am asleep and that the sick baby of mine will finally sleep through the night and I don't go trekking into the new year covered in vomit.

The New year has never had much meaning to me... until now. Because this year I will only move forward... leaving the past behind. This time last year I was living at my parents, moving the few things I was choosing to take from my house in Morenci into my parents garage, I had no real vision as to where the year was going to lead, I just knew that it would be a year of much change, and that it was, my divorce was finalized, I had to learn how to adjust to having my children only half of the time, I had to learn how to be a single mom, I started a new job which turned more into a career, I had to learn how to balance life, bills, single mom hood, kids school, babysitters, sports, work, housekeeping, my faith and a new relationship all within this past year. not saying in the least bit that I conquered any of this because surely I have not. I have gone through this year growing stronger each day, learning more of who I am, and how much of certain things I can handle. Yesterday December 30th would have been my 6th wedding anniversary. I can stand here today without regret that a year ago when I made the decision to walk away, it was the best decision I could have made.

In this new year my Goals are simple. I want to continue to grow in every way possible. I am quite aware that growth only comes from lessons, from pain and and from trials. But I am also aware of the person that I could someday be with the growth in so many areas. from growth in relationships with the people close to me and those who hold very important roles in my life and the relationships with my children. I want my faith to grow, my knowledge of my job, of my life, and all things that pertain to me to grow, I want a growth in my patience level, in my level of grace and mercy, I want growth in  my ability to forgive and to release grudges. there are many ways that I have allot of room to grow in. and this is my goal for 2013. I want to grow.... all while keeping my waist line thin ;)
My night will be spent alone in bed asleep (hopefully) no big party, no midnight kiss, no toast of the glasses... just me, my sleeping babies and a quite home... but a wonderful start to a new year that I will start off by dropping my kids off at the babysitters and clocking in at work.
Happy New Year, and may you have a blessed 2013 as I am sure I will have!

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