Wednesday, January 21, 2015

You, You are love.

Love. It is an overused word. It has become such a casual word. I am guilty. I use it all the time. Constantly. I use it for pizza, whiskey, wine and my sister's amazing handbag she used over the holidays when she came to visit. I use it every night when I tell my precious children and babe goodnight. I use it when I am getting off the phone with my sisters, parents and even friends, I often would tell my co-workers that I love them, I take the time to type out " OH MY!!! I stinking LOVE this" and press post on oh so many different Pins that I have come across while wasting time finding more things that I would love to make, love to see, love to visit, love to wear, or love to do.

Its a beautiful word. In fact I cant think of a more beautiful yet subtle and simple word in the English vocabulary.  It holds so much meaning. .So much wonder. Fairy tales are made of it. Families are built on it. Industries make big on it. A holiday is based on it. A heart can be filled with it. One of my most favorite scriptures is created from it, by the creator of everything that love is intended to be. Its sought after, its hoped for, its wished for and prayed for. It can help heal, help recover, help teach, help the brokenness of what once was begin to be be repaired. Its in the shape of a heart, a shape of a smile, a child, a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, Its also in the shape of you and I.

It can be given freely, sometimes taken freely. It can often be taken by surprise, It can turn your world into a reality that you are more sure is a lovely dream. A reality so wonderfully and pleasantly beautiful that you become engulfed with its ability to make you tingle, to open your mouth to a joyful song, and smile at the small wonders in this amazing world. It has a way of sweeping air under your feet, to make you so light you begin to believe you are just a bird who has finally learned to fly.

It's that moment, when a Daddy Drives his Little girl into the desert in his old red Chevy pick up, a couple of sandwiches, a Coke to share. An old Winchester Shot gun, a box of 12 G shells and some old glass bottles. Its 10 years later when he hands the keys to that old Red Truck to his Little girl that is somehow growing up to fast and says drive carefully its all yours. She names it Lucy,and she loves that truck like she loves her best friend. She loves it because it was her Daddy's truck and it smells so much like him.    

It's that moment when a young girl sneaks out of bed, her long lanky legs tippy toe down the hallway an hour past bedtime. She smells something familiar and her curious nose is overtaken by her taste buds, She peeks around the corner to see her beautiful mother whipping up a fresh batch of salsa. Her awkward clumsiness causes her to trip over air and blow her cover,  Her mother smiles lovingly and hands that little girl a bowl of hot freshly made tortilla chips and motions her to sit, enjoy and mostly to just be next to the woman that a little girl needs most in her life. Its all those times that little girl runs to her Mama's arms. Even when she is not a little girl anymore but a mother herself. when no one else's words will do. Its all those times she looks to the sidelines and sees her Momma. Her biggest fan standing there. cheering her on, and never giving giving up on her. No matter how tough the game gets. Both on the basketball court and the life court.                

Its a midweek lunch date with your big sister. Its their loving arms around you when your broken, hurt and emotionally wrecked. It's their honest words and resilient support. its them taking the time to know you. every part of you and cherishing even the deepest parts of you.

It's that never ending admiration that you don't deserve from your baby sister. Even though you were horrible to her. Despite the times you broke her heart with empty promises and devastating words.  Its her smile at you. Her hopes and desires for you. Her tender heart that has a spot just for you.

Its that summer at youth Camp, where you find your self at the alter, despite all that you have hidden in your heart, all those secrets you have kept from those that need to know, the hurt you hide behind your green eyes. The tears you cry only behind close doors. It's those secrets you kept. The secrets you don't know who you are hiding from. Your Parents? Your entire family? Yourself? They all found out anyway. It changed relationships. It broke ties. It hurt family. It made it real. It really happened. You can't run from it anymore. Then its that moment. When the burden of such a devastation is lifted from your soul. When you are delivered from the deepest of darks. That amazing glory. The comfort Of a sovereign God is wrapped around you. Your heart begins to heal. As you cry out to Jesus with the deepest of pain, The thickest of despair. He takes all you have. He gives you comfort. He gives you peace. He gives you back that in which has been taken from you; Joy! 

Its that moment, when your world begins to spin around you. You sink to the bathroom floor and hold on to the baseboards behind you, as if that weak grasp you have on them will save you. Emotions that are already running wild spin through you like a tornado ready to conquer you. Its the despair. The Fear. The Raging hormones that are already too much for a 19 year old to bear. Its everything on that little stick that is telling that you are all grown up. Its 9 months of terror. 9 months of slowly realizing you are no longer just you. Its 9 months of finding your place between little girl and Momma. Its that moment that your blood pressures sky rockets, and you are rushed in oh too soon. Its realizing you never made it to the 9 months. Its a waiting room full of anxious family. A young girl wondering what to do. She holds the hands of her Sisters and hears her Mommas Voice as a small baby boy enters the world. Its the anxiousness she feels when she doesn't hear her baby cry. Its seeing your baby in an incubator being wheeled onto a helicopter and lift away with out you by his side. Its the longest drive you will ever take. The most scared you will ever be. The most prayers you will ever pray. The most tears you will ever cry as you watch your baby boy  fight for his life. the most joy you will ever feel. The most relieved you will ever be. When that baby boy goes home to his little blue room. That moment you know your life will never be the same. The moments he holds you tight. Smiles his toothy grin and says "you will always be my momma".

Its when his sisters join him in this world. Their beautiful bright personalities, Those gorgeous eyes, the sweetness and innocence that only a little girl can have. its the tea parties, the story book reading, the dress up. the way they learned to nurture their baby doll from they way you have nurtured them. Its hearing a little voice attempt to sing along to Minnie Mouse Clubhouse. Its Frozen lunchboxes and lost Bows, Its hoping that you can be everything a mother can be. 

It's that smile. The deep soft voice. The strong yet gentle hands. Those deep brown eyes. The dark handsome figure that catches my eye every time. Its a persistent fella who went for what he wanted and would't take no for an answer. Its a first date in jeans and boots with steak and beer. a second date with pizza and wings. Its a first kiss that leads to so many more, Its running through corn fields and snowball fights. Its a little boy who adores him. A little girl who first begins to call him Daddy V and a toddler who captures him with her big blue eyes and funny little self.  Its Those moments where my patience is worn thin as he procrastinates through the house, because why not when we are already 35 minutes late. Its the dancing in the moonlight, in the kitchen, in the garage, in  the front yard. A 2 AM dance party to Aretha Franklin. its corny jokes, and silly accents. Its midnight road trips and midnight talks. Its you've got my back and I've got yours. It's lunch dates that turn into bowling games and too many beers. It's Crazy excursions, And never finished projects, Its "your cat pooped on Graci's homework again" and  " if that dang dog digs one more hole It'll be buried in it. "Its light some candles baby", and "lets take this truck for a drive" Its Snarky Comments and grumpy days.  Its "Will you marry me?" And a "hell yes, I will" And how can I not say Yes? When Yes, is the only answer. The only answer I can give to the man who stole my heart. and gave me his in return.  A heart that has been bruised, a heart that has hurt. a heart that could easily be hidden away. But a heart that I Cherish. I will always Cherish and protect. Just like I will always Cherish and protect, honor and love you. Because that, that my love is what is what Love really is. 

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